Why am I attracted to mean and cold men? I’m the type that hates to express their feelings for me, and sometimes if they do, it’s only from a male perspective. I’ve recently started to realize that it’s wrong and that I need to correct it, but I’m not entirely convinced that it’s wrong to be attracted to people like that.
My darling,
Congratulations on finding the pattern that defines your attachment style. One of the most dangerous things we are exposed to in emotional relationships is that we have a fixed pattern that repeats itself in every relationship , without understanding or paying attention to this pattern. If we’re lucky, this pattern can be a wonderful thing that draws us to appropriate and decent people, but unfortunately it also draws us into the same abusive relationships, making the same mistakes and entering a cycle of abuse that doesn’t change even if the people change. change. I congratulate you on discovering the pattern that attracts you and now you can understand it, understand yourself and try to overcome the dangers that come with it.
In her book, When Women Love Too Much , author Robyn Norwood talks about women who are constantly victimized by abusive, cold men who do not show affection and mistreat and treat them with contempt. Norwood says our emotional relationships are shaped by how we were with our childhood parents or guardians. Children who grew up in an environment that did not allow them to express their feelings will often be attracted to romantic partners who will not allow them to express their feelings. Women who seek abusive men who ignore them were often ignored as children and pressured to mature early.
But why do we do this? Why don’t we compensate by being in better relationships where we are heard, seen, appreciated and loved? Because the human psyche tends to seek familiarity, even when it comes to suffering. When we choose our life partners, we choose those who are similar to the environment in which we grew up, even with the harshness and deprivation. We reproduce the cycle of pain we’ve experienced before because it’s familiar and we understand it, so we already know how to deal with it. We are motivated by the hope that we will succeed in changing our partner, that we will make him love and appreciate us. We hope to heal an old childhood wound.
Is that your case too? No one can tell you exactly, except a psychiatrist/psychologist who knows you. Now that you have realized what type of men you are attracted to, perhaps Norwood’s book will give you an idea that will make you investigate your past, to think about the real reason for this attraction. Were you treated similarly as a child and that kind …
